Should We Go for Nuclear?
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In the Philippines, extended family is the most common family formation. This family formation consists of the mother and father and their children together with the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, or nieces/nephews as compared to the nuclear family household which just consists of two parents and their children. This type of family is also termed as conjugal family.
Filipinos in the country and abroad, too, actually live in an extended family setup. There are factors why this type of household forms unknowingly but they do for more practical reasons, of course.
There are advantages living this way. In a country where everything is just but expensive, even the poor man's fish was already changed because the poor couldn't afford it already, it is but practical to start a new life (as to newly weds) with your family/relatives until the time you have enough resources to live on your own. The elders/parents/relatives serve as "support system" as well wherein they serve as the role models for proper behavior, be it in marriage or not. It is an ideal support system that benefits everyone, for the elders it's to have someone around instead of being in a home for the aged, for the babies to be taken care of by their grandmothers while the mother works, or for the cousin who has called it his new home after he became an orphan. Also, it would likely be advantageous to have someone backing you up in times of crisis, which usually is financial.
In this kind of living, everything, if not shouldered by just one party unless they are more affluent but still there is this "shame" thing, is divided amongst the family working members. If you think of it really, it is an effective way for a working daughter, a single uncle who plans on getting married soon, or say a newly wed couple living with their parents to save up their monthly income for them to afford to purchase the nicest, chic clothes instead of saving for the "future", the thrice-the-worth-your-salary engagement ring, or their own sweet home for that matter.
If not, it also makes the "division of labor" at home quite easier. The household chores are divided as well to the members of the family. The mother, of course, takes the feeding responsibilities, the father on the manly duties, the cousins/nieces make sure the floors and cabinets are clean, or the uncle might choose to do whatever the most comfortable chore there is for him to do.
Moreover, there also exists, in my experience and so with others', the "division of expenses" to term it. Usually, when one lives with a parent/relative, it is sometimes arranged or unspoken that he/she gives some kind of contribution to the household's monthly expenses. The utility bills, groceries, rent, etc. are divided as well among the inhabitants of the house.
And while they all dwell and grow accustomed to this kind of living, it becomes hard for them to depart from home to lead a life of their own. They get used to tightening their own belts for their own luxury and benefits, meaning they could save up all they want for the most "un-basic" of their needs--the daughter goes home with one or even two pairs of shoes come every payday, the uncle may upgrade his car's mags, or the newly wed husband was under the influence of Steve Jobs when he entered that phone store. To an extent, they tend to stay longer than planned because they always end up getting broke again and not hitting the ample digits on their bank accounts to start on their own.
As you stay longer, whether the relationship is through affinity or consanguinity it is only inevitable that you feel a bit deprived of your privacy. But since you know you don't live in your own home, you can't help but just keep mum about it. Though sometimes they go over board, you still will not find the right and softest words so as not to hurt them. And in your quest to finding them, you end up with no words at all, hence keeping quiet.
And most of all, sometimes, the elders/parents can't help but meddle with some of your major decisions. If you are single and still staying with your parents though you already ought to leave the house, they'd tell you to spend your money wisely, save up for the future, stick with your job and not to resign, and all those "pieces of advice" which are unsolicited. If you just tied the knot, it might be a different song for you like, not having to quit your job even if you want to find a new one, do not use a baby pillow yet, join a community of married couples, to sometimes teaching you some parenting styles which are way different with yours. Still, they are unsolicited.
While you think that they tend to stay longer for always not being able to have enough resources, it also is right to think that maybe they do not want to leave after all. Maybe, they really became at ease with the other family members or just couldn't leave their parents' love. And behind these pros/cons, what really drives this "extension of family" to still pervade our society is our own very nature, as Filipinos so to speak. What is innate in every family is the undying love and close ties we make and keep through the years even after a daughter/son's marriage, choice to becoming independent, or old age. What matters to each and every one in the family is that they are valued and taken care of no matter what to make them feel they are not alone and that they are still a family.
Filipinos in the country and abroad, too, actually live in an extended family setup. There are factors why this type of household forms unknowingly but they do for more practical reasons, of course.
There are advantages living this way. In a country where everything is just but expensive, even the poor man's fish was already changed because the poor couldn't afford it already, it is but practical to start a new life (as to newly weds) with your family/relatives until the time you have enough resources to live on your own. The elders/parents/relatives serve as "support system" as well wherein they serve as the role models for proper behavior, be it in marriage or not. It is an ideal support system that benefits everyone, for the elders it's to have someone around instead of being in a home for the aged, for the babies to be taken care of by their grandmothers while the mother works, or for the cousin who has called it his new home after he became an orphan. Also, it would likely be advantageous to have someone backing you up in times of crisis, which usually is financial.
In this kind of living, everything, if not shouldered by just one party unless they are more affluent but still there is this "shame" thing, is divided amongst the family working members. If you think of it really, it is an effective way for a working daughter, a single uncle who plans on getting married soon, or say a newly wed couple living with their parents to save up their monthly income for them to afford to purchase the nicest, chic clothes instead of saving for the "future", the thrice-the-worth-your-salary engagement ring, or their own sweet home for that matter.
If not, it also makes the "division of labor" at home quite easier. The household chores are divided as well to the members of the family. The mother, of course, takes the feeding responsibilities, the father on the manly duties, the cousins/nieces make sure the floors and cabinets are clean, or the uncle might choose to do whatever the most comfortable chore there is for him to do.
Moreover, there also exists, in my experience and so with others', the "division of expenses" to term it. Usually, when one lives with a parent/relative, it is sometimes arranged or unspoken that he/she gives some kind of contribution to the household's monthly expenses. The utility bills, groceries, rent, etc. are divided as well among the inhabitants of the house.
And while they all dwell and grow accustomed to this kind of living, it becomes hard for them to depart from home to lead a life of their own. They get used to tightening their own belts for their own luxury and benefits, meaning they could save up all they want for the most "un-basic" of their needs--the daughter goes home with one or even two pairs of shoes come every payday, the uncle may upgrade his car's mags, or the newly wed husband was under the influence of Steve Jobs when he entered that phone store. To an extent, they tend to stay longer than planned because they always end up getting broke again and not hitting the ample digits on their bank accounts to start on their own.
As you stay longer, whether the relationship is through affinity or consanguinity it is only inevitable that you feel a bit deprived of your privacy. But since you know you don't live in your own home, you can't help but just keep mum about it. Though sometimes they go over board, you still will not find the right and softest words so as not to hurt them. And in your quest to finding them, you end up with no words at all, hence keeping quiet.
And most of all, sometimes, the elders/parents can't help but meddle with some of your major decisions. If you are single and still staying with your parents though you already ought to leave the house, they'd tell you to spend your money wisely, save up for the future, stick with your job and not to resign, and all those "pieces of advice" which are unsolicited. If you just tied the knot, it might be a different song for you like, not having to quit your job even if you want to find a new one, do not use a baby pillow yet, join a community of married couples, to sometimes teaching you some parenting styles which are way different with yours. Still, they are unsolicited.
While you think that they tend to stay longer for always not being able to have enough resources, it also is right to think that maybe they do not want to leave after all. Maybe, they really became at ease with the other family members or just couldn't leave their parents' love. And behind these pros/cons, what really drives this "extension of family" to still pervade our society is our own very nature, as Filipinos so to speak. What is innate in every family is the undying love and close ties we make and keep through the years even after a daughter/son's marriage, choice to becoming independent, or old age. What matters to each and every one in the family is that they are valued and taken care of no matter what to make them feel they are not alone and that they are still a family.
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